JM: Oh, you call! I surprise you call. We don’t hear from you for such long time, I don’t know what happen to you! We worry to death! And so I checking, checking all the time weather report where you are, and they say it raining there, and I think uh oh! Maybe you such stupid driving when rain time and have car accident!
AH: If you were worried, you should have called me.
JM: I don’t know if you home or not. Always you go here or there. Who know?
AH: Yeah, but I always have my cell phone with me, so you should just call.
JM: But I don’t want you try talk on phone while driving.
AH: Well then I’ll see that you called and when I’m not driving, I’ll call you back.
JM: But what if you somewhere and other people around? I don’t want everyone can overhear our private conversation.
AH: Um . . . ?
JM: Anyway, I so worry! What going to happen if you slip outside your apartment, and bung! You hit your head! Some professor here last winter go outside to smoke cigarette and she fall down and hit her head! And nobody find her. So she freeze to death! Isn’t that crazy?
AH: Yeah. Kind of.
JM: Anyway, I thought you go teach in Nebraska and afterward maybe just poop out. Your father and I, we went to Cheyenne and all walking walking all day long and complete poop out. We come home and sleep like dead people! So I thought maybe you go teach for ten days and after you been home you complete poop out and sleeping like dead person all this time!
AH: Yeah, I’ve been tired. But I’ve been trying to get a lot of writing done before school starts.
JM: You better! Is doggy-dog world! You have to publish! Or perish! You go here or there all somewhere, wherever you please, so I don’t know when you have time to writing! So you don’t watch out, you end up perish!
AH: Um, I’m a Full Professor? I think that if I haven’t perished yet, I’m probably going to be okay?
JM: Full Professor, but still tonkachi head. Hey!
JM: When you go back teach Nebraska again? Christmas time?
JM: Oh, goody goody! You get to go to marvelous New Year party, don’t you?
JM: But I have to tell you something. Don’t eat Oyster Rockefeller when you go! Don’t eat it! You don’t watch television, so only get so-called internet or whatever. I don’t know if you know about oil spill or not. So I going to tell you. Don’t eat it!
AH: I know about the oil spill. And I’ll tell you what. I won’t eat the oysters if you’ll stop buying meat with hinky expiration dates.
JM: You mean Dead Meat? From the Dead Meat Section?
JM: You don’t buy from Dead Meat Section?
AH: I don’t buy a lot of meat, but when I do, I don’t buy the Dead Meat. No.
JM: Wow! You must be rich! We on social security now. And you know, you such blood sucker. Sucking, sucking all your parents’ money. Have to send you to music school. But hey, guess what?
JM: Your father brought Alaska King Crab and we going to eat today!
AH: That sounds great! Are you going to put a newspaper down on the table and hammer it?
JM: Well, I been thinking very carefully about it, and I don’t want to hammer. I have nutcracker. So going to crack open that way. And guess what else?
JM: I going to use scissors and very neatly cut open and take out whole big piece at once and dunk in butter. No smash. That’s what I been thinking about.
AH: Okay, then.
JM: Yeah. So that’s what I been thinking.