Archive for June, 2008
JM: Who need cable? See, we wrap up rabbit ear in tinfoil! Such stupid spend money for cable. How much you spend for cable every month?
AH: [Unwilling to go down this particular road.] Um . . . why do you need to know that?
JM: What you make Ajapa Face for? I have to worry about you finance! You spend money like you think you some kind Rockefeller. Not even own your own house. Everybody else your age own their own house! Your own parent come to visit you and we have to stay in motel! I so embarrass! I tell everyone going to visit my own daughter, but she make us stay in motel!
AH: You can stay in my apartment. I’ll give you my bedroom.
JM: How I can stay when such Brat Cat there? E. have house! She you age. She have house and three kid. And she chair your department! E. is Superwoman! I going to have to go stay with E. instead when I come visit! P. have house. M. have house. Everybody have house.
AH: Maybe I don’t want a house. It’s very expensive. And a lot of work. And anxiety.
JM: Yeah. Maybe you too irresponsible own house. But what you going to do about retirement?
AH: I’m on a retirement plan.
JM: But what happen when you run out of money? You should have at least two year salary in savings account for emergency! Do you even have that?
AH: Um . . . no.
JM: WHAT YOU GOING TO DO YOU RUN OUT OF MONEY WHEN RETIRE? I SO WORRY!
AH: Well, then I guess I”ll just have to kill myself.
JM: Who going to take care of your father and I if you kill yourself?
AH: No offense, but I think you’ll both be dead by then.
JM: No. We going to live forever. You have to take care of us. You get rid of you Brat Cat and buy house and we stay with you.
AH: You can stay in the English Department wing of Dakota Gardens.
JM: You stick own parent in Dakota Garden? We go stay with E. then. In her new upstairs. Away from Brat Cat.
AH: E. has two Brat Cats. And you know what? She used to have three!
JM: Such crazy! Why everyone there so crazy? I so worry! How you going to get through rest of summer when don’t get pay?
AH: I’m all set for the summer. I have plenty of money.
JM: How you going to pay for gas to drive home?
AH: I have money for that.
JM: Are you sure?
AH: Of course.
JM: I pack you cold chicken in ice cooler so you have something to eat. And apple. And soft drink. So you don’t have to spend all money like burning big hole in your pocket at Subway. They so expensive! And not give you any meat! But that way you have something to eat so you not starve to death. Okay?
AH: Okay. Thanks!
JM: [Happily.] Always suck parent dry. Just like vampire.
* * *
During Season Finale of Dancing with the Stars:
JM: Where reception go? Hey! You be useful. Go stand right there! No, more left! No, no! What’s matter with you! Other way! Maybe you go play with rabbit ear? No! That’s worse! No, there! Better! Stay right there!
AH: Like this?
JM: Maybe. I don’t know. Hurry! Kristy Yamaguchi going to dance! I don’t want to miss it!
AH: Tell Mikey to put his metal knee up.
JM: Hey, that’s good idea! [To my father.] Your daughter say put your knee up. Get better reception.
Following Kristy Yamaguchi’s Win on Dancing With the Stars:
JM: [Clapping and yelling and making a general ruckus.] Hooray, hooray, hooray! Yay! We won, we won, we won! Nobody can beat Kristy Yamaguchi! She the BEST ONE!!!
During Season Finale of Gray’s Anatomy When Reception Goes Out Entirely During Last Three Minutes:
AH: [Squinting into T.V. static.] Wait a minute. Is Dr. Torres kissing Dr. Hahn?!?!
JM: Can’t you tell? I thought you expert. Publish paper about that kind of thing on T.V.
JM: See? Maybe you not such expert after all.
I remember I used to beg my dad to take me through the Agriculture Building when he picked me up from the University Lab School I attended — it was on the way to the parking lot where he sometimes parked — because I loved, loved, loved to look at the insect mounts in the hallways. Now there’s a nice little museum.